I Find You Attractive. I'm Not A Stalker I Swear.

Dearest Pluto,

What a pleasure at last to meet you after a lonely and dark decade-long journey. 

Oh good grief, perhaps I can make your dream a reality... To fully be reinstated as a planet as defined by our brethren on the hapless planet earth.  Land sakes, this time for good!  

If anything my small friend, we can show the humans on earth just how beautiful your off white spots can be from a camera that takes pictures 7,700 miles away (on my back nonetheless)!

Hopefully earth wants me back and will take me home.  Best regards,

New Horizons

From Neptune, With Concern

My Dearest Pluto,

I am ashamed to admit that it has been nearly a quarter score since my last correspondence; I’ve not been the friend you’ve needed and deserved through these difficult years.

As you’ll know, Chiron will be joining me today in my transit in Aquarius. As I await his arrival, I can’t help but reflect on the days of yore, when I would lose years of sleep awaiting the moment when you would wink the reflection of the sun in my direction, warming my heart ever-so-slightly above absolute zero. You always played coy, as if it were merely an orbital coincidence, but I knew it meant something more. I took you for granted Pluto, and for that, I am eternally sorry.

Despite my negligence as a friend, I must confess that in addition to reconnecting, I am writing in hopes of convincing you to reconsider some of your recent lifestyle choices. Uranus informed me on last week’s planetary conference call that he ran into you last weekend.
Let me just say Pluto, drugs and porn have never been the ways of planets - not even dwarf planets. I understand that times have been difficult, but I beg you to get your act together.

Please know that I am more than willing to help you get through this and am always available to talk. Or if you’ve understandably decided to no longer associate with true planets, look to Eris as a shining example of what you could be some day.

With Concern,
Neptune

My Dear Pluto,

The fact that you have been stripped of your title just makes me sick. However, we must be strong during this time.

I keep my spirits up in these times by recalling that two week vacation we took to the Kupier Belt. Per chance those memories will serve you well, and keep your spirits aloft.

Yours,
Earth's Moon

Dear Solar System,

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
It must be hard for any parent to outlive their offspring.
Please know, that while Pluto is gone in name, he still exists in the physical world.

If you were able to speed up his rotation, and slingshot him out to me, we would happily give him a good home.

Best,
The Andromeda Galaxy

Dearest Pluto,

I just heard the sad news. I know there is not much I can do for you during this time to console you. Just know that I am thinking of you, and wish I was able to change my course to see you sooner.

I have such fond memories of the time we last spent together.

I look forward to seeing you in 53 years.

Sincerely,
H. Comet

PS - I will bring you back some ice cubes on my next trip through.

Attn: Asteroid Number 134340,

First off, let me explain to you that is makes me sick to address you by this abomination of a name.

But, as a NASA employee, I must call you by your officially designated name.
I'm sure you understand.

However, I will always remember the man that was Pluto.

It was great to meet you and the other guys on my travels. You, however, do remain my favorite. And, I will live up to my promise and send you a post card from the Horse Head Nebulae.

EOM:
Voyager I

Pluto,

I told you that you would never be able to hack it as a real planet.
To be one of us, it takes a lot more than just having the support of all of the worlds kindergartners.

I mean, look, I'm not saying you had to be like Saturn. He has us all beat with those awesome rings. None of us can even try to replicate that display of awesome. And we know what would happen if one of us were to try. I mean, come on, look at Uranus. He's lucky we still talk to him after all that. But, he really does have the best cosmic dust around so…..

But there are other things we can do besides have rings. I mean, Mars has been fooling everyone by pretending to have life. In fact, I think the jury is still out on that one. Actually having life would be a big victory for all of us - except that attention wh*re Earth. D*ck.

So, start working out again. Bulk up. Think of some fresh ideas, and try to get back on the horse. I told you that just being really far and cold wouldn’t last.

But whatever you do, don’t you dare encroach on my turf.
Being the hottest is my gig, and my mommy never taught me how to share, get me?

Still a planet,
Mercury