From Neptune, With Concern

My Dearest Pluto,

I am ashamed to admit that it has been nearly a quarter score since my last correspondence; I’ve not been the friend you’ve needed and deserved through these difficult years.

As you’ll know, Chiron will be joining me today in my transit in Aquarius. As I await his arrival, I can’t help but reflect on the days of yore, when I would lose years of sleep awaiting the moment when you would wink the reflection of the sun in my direction, warming my heart ever-so-slightly above absolute zero. You always played coy, as if it were merely an orbital coincidence, but I knew it meant something more. I took you for granted Pluto, and for that, I am eternally sorry.

Despite my negligence as a friend, I must confess that in addition to reconnecting, I am writing in hopes of convincing you to reconsider some of your recent lifestyle choices. Uranus informed me on last week’s planetary conference call that he ran into you last weekend.
Let me just say Pluto, drugs and porn have never been the ways of planets - not even dwarf planets. I understand that times have been difficult, but I beg you to get your act together.

Please know that I am more than willing to help you get through this and am always available to talk. Or if you’ve understandably decided to no longer associate with true planets, look to Eris as a shining example of what you could be some day.

With Concern,
Neptune